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I observed some small changes and perhaps some reworking of a single section as well as perhaps an omission
What
By increasing the openness and availability of shared data between … could this be clarified to “By enabling an openness as defined in the Gemini principles for sharing data between …
Is the question on climate change the purpose of the connected digital twin, or is that referring to an holistic view ? Are we saying that national digital twins are critical to alter the course of climate change ?
Suggest stopping after holistic view.
What do we mean by a digital twin ?
Would we really have a digital twin of a “person”
This results in faster, better and often more cost-effective decisions.
Better is a “subjective word”
This results in more informed decisions, which can result in faster decision maker and often enabling cost effective actions.
fundamental principal …
If principal is the noun here then it perhaps should be fundamental principle.
Ie it would read correct as fundamental proposition, but not fundamental first
Interventions
The intervention can be a preventative measure to avoid an issue highlighted by the twin, rectifying an issue or a reaction to an external action on the physical twin.
Which twin highlights the issue, is this the digital twin. Perhaps it should be clearer, ie we mention physical twin, but then just use twin.
Build Environment Systems
The built environment is made up of economic and social infrastructure. However, built environment systems will never be complete. Buildings and infrastructure are constantly being adapted to cope with changing demographics, demands and a growing population.
Two main areas, economic and social infrastructure, involve political, institutional and commercial structures where ideas and information can often be siloed, preventing collaboration and cooperation. Reducing barriers, especially cost and time, or sharing information within the built environment presents opportunities to drive innovation, optimise services, tackle climate change and enable sustainable growth.iv
I am not sure what this paragraph is trying to say. Paragraph 1 is OK, but then we try and make what statement are you trying to make.
Sharing information include cost and time within the built environment represents opportunities to drive innovation, optimise services, tackle climate change and enable sustainable growth. Was the statement lifted from the Arup paper ? The second paragraph I think is trying to say that the various owners of infrastructure have different drivers, such as economic or social impact, enabling a common platform to drive innovation, optimise services etc requires a change in the collaboration and cooperation …
Overall
There is no discussion on the commercial barrier or stake holders are.
Ie if we want a digital twin of a town, who is responsible for that digital twin, the local council, the builders, the homeowners etc. There should be a discussion around stakeholders, there is some start of the discussion in economic and social infrastructure, but the complexity should be stated as problematic so it can be addressed in the how, or listed as still a problem if it is.